I had to laugh when I read that quote recently. I particularly remember a time in my merry life when I had two sons, 3 dogs, my clothes filled two
closets in my home, I owned Madeleine pans, exotic juicers, a regular and a gourmet coffeemaker, 3 sets of flatware, 10 tableclothes, 10 sets of
placemats for 6 or 8, and formal china
tablesettings for 12 & and most cluttering of all, a social calendar that was unmanageable.

Life is a series of stages, and there is the acquiring stage.

However, there came a point where I felt
overwhelmed by my blessings and took a look at what was going on. At the time, my boyfriend, who was a stock broker, kept saying, Simplify,
simplify. He lived what I considered a Sparten existence.

It caused me to take a look at the whole picture. I was exhausted all the time. I went to a therapist; too bad there werent coaches then. She said I was trying to do too much. I
interpreted it that I wasnt capable of handling all these things, and redoubled my efforts.

Coaches make things more clear. Why are you doing what doesnt bring you pleasure? wouldve been the question to ask. Eventually I asked myself that question and here are some of the things I did.

THE CLOTHES
I was still operating from an old childhood scarcity-mentality. I never had enough clothes in high school, not because my parents couldnt afford it, just that they didnt want to spend
their money on that. I started babysitting rigorously to buy myself clothes and makeup and stuff. Not a bad thing to do, but I realized that
time was over. I gave a number of things to Goodwill, set aside a space-allotment, and stuck to it.

I did have to dress for my profession at the time (PR), so I chose two outfits I could accessorize in infinite ways. Scarves, jewelry and pins take far less storage space!

THE DOGS
Two were strays we had adopted, under pressure from my good-hearted son. However, they were difficult dogs, not having been well-raised, and took far more work than our original family pet.
I decided to give up this rescuing mentality and at the same time educate my children. We found good homes for two of them, and the family pact
was no more. We stuck with our one chosen, well-cared for, and well-trained dog.

THE ENTERTAINING WARE
Thats a hard one. Its been an abiding interest and love in my life, to entertain with all the accoutrements. I decided that was an okay hobby, but to stick with what I had for a long time. How many sets of Christmas tablemats does one really
need?

THE COOKWARE
Life is choices. I could eliminate a lot of these things by turning to fast food, eating out, less elaborate meals. I decided this was not something
to sacrifice. There are health benefits to wok cooking, steamers, double boilers, etc., and "happy"
benefits to beautiful Bundt cakes. My youngest son particularly enjoyed the camaraderie of a fondue meal. Our family dinners were fun for all of us, and a good thing, and I didnt want to sacrifice that for convenience.

Not everything in the enriched life should be efficient.

THE FINANCIAL PICTURE
My stocks were scattered all over the place, and we consolidated. It seemed risky to me to put all my eggs in one basket, but we did, and it resulted in a nice financial gain.

THE ORGANIZATION
I decided it wasnt all that I had that was the problem  many of them were valuable to me and my lifestyle  it was the organization of it all.

One thing I did was buy containers, for instance, fall decorations and got everything in one place. I added to the box my apparel for that time of year  autumn sweaters, accessories, and
jewelry. I labeled them clearly, stacked them in one place, and felt better about it all.

I tackled the gift-producing area. I had a bow maker, rolls of paper, ribbons, ready for every occasion. It was a time when the boys would be
invited to a birthday party appreciated by most people. Charities list in their newsletter the
gifts made in honor of, or in memory of, others, and that’s a nice touch.

Re: the people in my life, I took a look at the investment-return ratio. Some of them, I had to admit, were a drain. With me being in a helping
profession, some were “using” me for free counseling, while making no improvements in their lives, and that didn’t give me the friendship I needed, or provide for them the counseling or
coaching they needed.

I made a list of the people who really meant something to me, with whom I had strong mutual bonds, and I whittled away at the ones who didn’t contribute anything to my life. We call this in
coaching, “getting rid of tolerations.” Yes, people can be “tolerations” and I think this is
one of the more important “ah hahs” Thomas Leonard, the founder of coaching, gave to the world.

I eliminated immediately the ones who were a negative drain on me, and took a closer look at ones wanting entry. I quietly discouraged some “friendships” from ever occurring in the first place. Life is choices.

I believe that our lives are greatly influenced by the 5 people we spend the most time with. I made sure the Top 5 were the ones I wanted and needed them to be.

META-THEORY
I decided to slow myself down at the checkout counter. I disciplined myself for 6 months. I would not make any impulse buys. I would go home and consider it. Usually it wasn’t worth the effort to go back.

I would not go shopping to “window shop.” There’s no such thing! There’s always something attracts my eye I think I “must have.”

Shopping would be a necessity for essentials, not Saturday afternoon entertainment for me and the kids.

I put more thought into the things I gave others so as to slow the flow into their lives as well.

READY FOR THE NEW YEAR
As you participate in, or observe, the shopping frenzy of the holiday season. Ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?”

Good reasons are:
·It’s meaningful
·I enjoy it
·I know it’s something I can afford and know it’s
something they need or would like

Bad reasons are:
·I don’t know why
·To keep up with the Joneses
·Because I always have
·Because you're supposed to

Oserve closely your own behavior. That’s the beginning of making positive changes.

It’s the emotionally intelligent thing to do!

About the Author

©Susan Dunn, MA, cEQc, The EQ Coach™,
http://www.susandunn.cc . Author of “How to Live
Your Life with Emotional Intelligence,” (
http://www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html )
and The EQ Foundation Course©, 12 modules on the
Internet that can change your life:
http://www.webstrategies.cc/EQcourse.htm .
Coaching for all yours needs; Emotional
Intelligence always included.
Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE eZine.