Imagine the scene. You need to prepare a report that has to be with
your boss the following day. It's the big one - if you impress him
you're on your way up. The success you've craved is only a matter of
a few hours away.

But then...

It starts...

Your mind begins to drift and you find other things to occupy your
time. The following is a helpful list that will ensure that your
report will be delayed and that you'll blow everything you've worked
for. Remember, if you do all the things on this list, you'll NEVER
suffer from executive stress (you'll never be an executive).

1. Start running Norton Anti Virus (or similar). Sit there and watch
it work through all your files. At the same time, you could use your
Maintenance Wizard and defragment your disk. It's probably been a
long time since you've done it so it'll waste a good chunk of time.

2. Check all your old emails. Reply to a few that you've neglected.
Check your message rules and create a few new ones. Check out some of
the items on the menus that you've not read before.

3. Make coffee. Make lots of it. Invite friends over. Run out of
coffee. Have to go to the supermarket. Meet some more friends. Be
invited out for lunch. Drink too much and come back home in the small
hours of the morning.

4. Look out of the window. Notice things that you've never seen
before. Count the number of leaves there are on the tree opposite.

5. Get online and surf. Find a good chat room. Talk to as many people
about today's game as you can. Post a few messages on a message
board. Find out what's going on in Boulder. Check the CNN page.
Develop an interest in World Politics.

6. Find that CD Tutorial you bought a few years back. 'How to Speak
Spanish'. See if you can get further than ordering a beer in a bar.

7. Go and look at yourself in a mirror. Worry about getting old/going
grey/losing your hair/putting on weight/developing spots/whether you
need a tuck here and there. The best thing to do is to go and stand
in front of a full-length mirror naked. Jump up and down and see
which bits wobble. If that doesn't make you break out in a cold
sweat, I don't know what will.

8. Dial someone you haven't spoken to in years. Find out what's going
on in their lives. Then you can tell them all about the important
report you've got to write. They may be sympathetic. They may invite
you over for a beer!

9. Create a digital database of your CDs/DVDs/books etc. Even better,
go down into the basement and drag out all of your old vinyl albums.
You haven't seen them for years so you'll need to read all the album
sleeves again. What ever happened to 'Jefferson Airplane'?

10. Play 'Danger Mail'. If you don't know what this is then I'll
explain. You write an email to someone important, such as your boss,
and write down all the things you hate about them - all their nasty
habits, their foibles - everything. Then, hold your finger just over
the 'Send' key. In fact, just rest it on top. You are only a second
away from ruining your whole life. Cough now and it could all be
over!!!! You can spend hours waiting like that.

I guarantee that if you do the above, you'll remain in the same job
for a long while (unless they sack you).

However, if you want to get on in life, ignore the above list.

Become focussed. Plan out your report. Make it the best you can. And
get it to your boss on time. Don't delay, do it today.

About the Author

Andy Walsh is a househusband and writer living in Cumbria in the UK.
He writes novels, short stories and poems some of which you can read
at www.stbrodag.com. Contact him at andwalsh@lineone.net